Asking Eric: I want to go no-contact because of the bride’s snub

Dear Eric My husband is one of eight siblings A scant live on opposite sides of the country but they do remain in contact and we all get together occasionally Related Articles Asking Eric I don t want my grandchild calling anyone else Nonna Asking Eric My friend doesn t realize what s going on in my life Asking Eric This is not how I wished my life to end and I feel totally betrayed Asking Eric I don t want to be around my husband when he s eating Asking Eric We want to stay friendly with the new neighbor What can we do about the ruckus One of my husband s brothers has a stepdaughter and she became engaged We were stated that since she was paying for her own wedding the parents had no say in the invite list and we all may receive an invite or not Mind you this daughter was invited to any event we had including my kids weddings At my daughter s wedding she responded that she was coming but was a no-show The save-the-dates went out and my husband and I were not invited along with one sister-in-law Everyone else was invited and attended I feel excluded and snubbed I have been dwelling on this way too much but don t understand There were never any words or any rift My brother-in-law the stepfather is close with my husband When I spoke to a meager of his siblings I was narrated she required a small wedding there were people and I should be happy because of the expense of the hotel I was going to have a th birthday party for my husband but have decided to have a quiet dinner with my kids and grandchildren I would also like to have no contact with them moving forward and I reported my husband this He feels I m too sensitive which added salt to the wound He can have any relationship he wants with them but I want out personally Am I in the wrong I just can t see myself in their company and feeling at ease Excluded Dear Excluded You have every right to feel the way you do And to your point it seems pointed to invite six out of the eight siblings But and this is a big but the family is large even without considering the bride s mother s family the father s family her friends and the family of the person she married Even with space for guests options start to narrow So grant her a little grace And more importantly don t take her wedding invite list out on her parents They communicated you they didn t have any control over the invites and it s best to take that at face value While you ve been kind to the niece you and she don t have as close a relationship as you do with others in the family That s OK It s also OK to have bruised feelings about it You reached out your hand and she didn t reach back and that can hurt It also sounds like other members of the family are trying to offer comfort and sympathy by telling you you didn t miss anything Try to accept that And then try to let it go for your sake and for your husband s Going no-contact with branches of the family who also didn t have control over the invites is only going to hurt him Dear Eric My wife and I are a white couple in our mid- s We have numerous Black friends and acquaintances we see frequently at our church and workplace Everybody is very cordial and our conversations share insights into each other s goings-on family friends et cetera What is discomforting to us is we are often addressed as Miss Jane and Mr John rather than purely Jane and John We re sure all intentions are respectful We hate to think there is a racial element involved and hope it is just a matter of cultural mannerisms We don t notice this title formality from one Black person to another even among those in our age bracket We don t want to be rude if addressing this issue would be somehow offensive Any thoughts on this Informal Request Dear Request Don t be afraid to ask people to call you what you re largest part peaceful being called For instance It would mean so much if you d just call me John it s how I know we re friends Something short and sweet like that Related Articles Harriette Cole I m tempted to get back at my husband for the Chili s dinner Miss Manners The bride screwed up What can she say to smooth things over Dear Abby Our son was clean and fit until Emily came along Asking Eric I don t want my grandchild calling anyone else Nonna Dear Abby The mom leaves her kids with us every weekend It s unclear to me whether the formality is related to your particular region a particular subculture or even your standing in your group Or all of the above But if you re noticing that these honorifics aren t universally applied it stands to reason you have the power to do away with them without being thought rude Now if your friends and acquaintances protest that s an opportunity for you to dig a little deeper with respect Would you mind telling me more about why you d feel more content with Mr John rather than John And then listen to what they have to say Even if you don t agree with the reasoning it might give you insight into how you re seen and how you and your friends can better see each other Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com