Miss Manners: What’s the rule about giving an ultimatum to a friend?

DEAR MISS MANNERS What is the rule on inviting someone to accompany you to a play that s close to being sold out and they don t respond to your invitation in a timely way Related Articles Miss Manners The women at work ignored me whenever I spoke What should I have done Miss Manners Can I as the host abandon the rowdy drinkers Miss Manners She won t shut up about how privileged she is and I dread talking to her Miss Manners We were yelled at in a Paris opera house Were we in the wrong Miss Manners Another mother chided me for group-texting a cute photo Was I wrong I invited a friend to go to a show with a limited run and mentioned in my invitation that it was almost sold out I reported that I would go ahead and purchase my ticket if I didn t hear from her I didn t set a time limit I did buy my own ticket and then heard from her two days later saying that she was interested in accompanying me Should I have waited to hear from her before purchasing my ticket GENTLE READER How long did you give her before you gave up and bought yours Somewhere between minutes and two days is reasonable Miss Manners agrees that ultimatums with friends can be awkward but in this occurrence a time limit would have been helpful Or at least made you feel better about getting on with it Of subject you do not state it as an ultimatum only that you are worried that tickets will sell out so you are going to get yours by the end of the day whether or not you have heard from her Presumably you could still go with each other just not necessarily sit together Especially if only standing room is left Either way you both will have learned a lesson DEAR MISS MANNERS How can I politely invite someone to my home but also indicate that they should not bring their friends or family with them We moved a couple years ago to a different city and made new friends we really like We also have neighbors a couple of houses away who will just come over to join any gathering without an invite I was hosting dinner for a pair of friends and they brought a couple of mutual friends with them I had to stretch the food and was very uncomfortable How can I let the neighbor know they are not invited when they just show up It is becoming a pattern now GENTLE READER Are these two separate situations Are your guests bringing mutual friends to particular dinner parties and your neighbors just showing up to others Or are the neighbors showing up at the same time that the friends brought over other friends That would indeed stretch the food But assuming they are separate Related Articles Dear Abby My parents won t let me move out until I repay them for college Asking Eric It s going to get back to my husband that I m not being nice Harriette Cole It s overwhelming to be the prosperous sibling Miss Manners The women at work ignored me whenever I spoke What should I have done Dear Abby Her teen boyfriend confided to me that he drinks a lot For the friends bringing friends without warning Miss Manners is afraid there is not much you can do in the moment The next time you invite them if you do you might say I enjoyed meeting the McDougals but wasn t expecting them Please do let us know next time if you are thinking of inviting anyone else We will have to decide whether we can be sufficiently prepared As for the neighbors just because they show up does not mean you have to invite them in I m afraid that we have other company over right now but we would love to see you another time At least with them you know their journey home is easy With friends of friends unless you similarly banish their ride you are stuck Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO